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When my husband and I were struggling, I wanted to go to couples counseling. It seemed like the logical next step if we wanted to fix our issues. I figured that if a licensed expert told my husband that I was right and he was wrong, it might finally get him to change.
We never went, so I looked for answers to my marriage woes in books and on the internet. This was how I learned that there was another option. I didn’t have to wait for my husband to be onboard with working on our relationship. I could do it all on my own! And I could get started right away!
These days, I help women rebuild their marriage on their own, often without the help or knowledge of their husbands. They do this by learning the skills that promote connection and intimacy. They learn empowered communication, and new ways of relating to and inspiring their husbands. The results are incredible!
Few people know that it’s absolutely possible to heal and rebuild a marriage on their own. That’s why today, I wanted to share with you the pros and cons of rebuilding your marriage on your own, so you can see if it’s something you want to try for yourself.
The Pros and Cons of Rebuilding Your Marriage on Your Own
Pros of Rebuilding Your Marriage on Your Own:
Empowerment and Personal Growth:
When you take action to improve your marriage, you’ll grow personally and become a stronger, more resilient woman. You’ll learn new skills that enhance your own sense of worth and confidence, and enhance the communication and connection in your marriage regardless of whether your husband is involved in the process or not.
Feeling Desired and Inspiring Your Husband To Draw Closer:
By focusing on connection and intimacy skills, you can create an environment where your husband feels more drawn to you, reigniting passion and desire. As you become a more empowered and confident version of yourself, you inspire your husband to want to be your hero, creating a more loving dynamic.
Positive Change Without Waiting:
You don’t have to wait for your husband to be ready to work on the marriage; you can start making changes now. Immediate steps can lead to faster improvements in your relationship dynamics without waiting for him to get onboard.
Becoming a Confident, Radiant Woman:
Working on yourself and your marriage helps you develop qualities that make you feel more confident, attractive, and joyful. This transformation will enhance every aspect of your life, not just your marriage, making you feel more fulfilled overall. You will become a magnetic woman, irresistible to your husband, and feel desired and adored without him even knowing what you’re doing.
Improved Relationship Skills:
You’ll gain valuable skills in communication, emotional regulation, and intimacy that will serve you throughout your marriage and life. Mastering these skills can create a more peaceful and loving home environment, benefiting everyone, including your children.
Sense of Accomplishment:
Successfully navigating marital challenges on your own can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. It builds resilience and strengthens your belief that you have the power to create the relationship you desire. By stepping into your power as a woman, you get to influence your man to be his best self and set the tone, creating the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.
Influencing and Inspiring Your Husband:
Positive changes in you lead to positive changes in your husband. We call this, “the husband mirror”, where he begins to mirror you and reflects back a new level of respect and tenderness. As you transform, your husband will become more receptive and open to his own changes. Your behavior will encourage him to reciprocate positively without feeling pressured or controlled to change.
Strengthening Your Self-Esteem and Magnetism:
By actively working on your marriage and investing in yourself, you’ll not only improve your relationship but also enhance your self-esteem and magnetism. As you grow and evolve, you’ll feel more confident and attractive, naturally drawing positive energy and attention from those around you.
Cons of Rebuilding Your Marriage on Your Own (and How Coaching Helps You Overcome Them):
Feeling Alone in the Effort:
Challenge: You may feel isolated, as if you’re doing all the emotional work without your husband’s involvement or support at first. This can lead to resentment and giving up hope.
Solution: Private coaching provides you with personalized support, guidance, and encouragement so you don’t feel alone in your journey. With an expert by your side, you have someone to lean on, share your struggles with, and gain valuable insights.
Lack of Immediate Results:
Challenge: Results may take time, leading to frustration or doubt about whether your efforts will make a difference. You may be working hard to implement your new skills only to get discouraged by minimal results. This is because most women have no idea they have blindspots and are missing key elements of the skills, using them ineffectively.
Solution: A marriage expert can help you create a tailored action plan that focuses on small, achievable wins that propel you forward towards your vision for your marriage. Coaching offers accountability, motivation, and tools to track your progress, making the journey less overwhelming and more effective and rewarding.
Emotional and Mental Fatigue:
Challenge: Constantly trying to fix and rebuild your marriage on your own can lead to frustration, exhaustion, or resentment.
Solution: Private coaching helps you manage your energy and emotions effectively, teaching techniques for self-care and stress management. An expert can provide clarity and focus, reducing the mental load and preventing burnout by helping you prioritize and take one step at a time.
Fear of Failing:
Challenge: You may fear that your efforts won’t be enough or that your marriage won’t improve.
Solution: A marriage coach offers a safe space to express your fears and doubts and provides constructive feedback and strategies that increase your chances of success. Coaching also helps build your confidence by reinforcing the skills you’re learning, showing you that real, positive change is possible.
Feeling Unsure About Which Skill to Use:
Challenge: You may feel confused about which skill is most effective for each specific challenge you face.
Solution: With private coaching, you receive expert guidance on the right skills to use at the right time, making your efforts more targeted and effective. A coach helps you navigate complex situations and apply the skills in a way that feels natural and empowering.
Potential Miscommunication:
Challenge: You might unintentionally misinterpret your husband's actions or responses, leading to misunderstandings or distance.
Solution: Coaching equips you with effective communication skills, helping you understand your husband's behavior and respond in ways that foster connection rather than conflict. An expert can provide perspective and practical advice on how to approach delicate conversations and prevent misunderstandings.
Feeling Unsupported by Your Husband:
Challenge: A lack of acknowledgment from your husband can make you feel that your efforts are in vain.
Solution: Through private coaching, you learn how to validate your own feelings and find fulfillment in your progress. A coach provides the affirmation and recognition you need, helping you stay motivated even when your husband isn’t immediately responsive.
Unmet Expectations:
Challenge: You may face disappointment if your husband does not reciprocate your efforts as you hoped.
Solution: A coach helps you create your vision for your relationship and focus on what you can control—your own actions and reactions. With expert guidance, you learn how to find joy in your own growth and celebrate the wins, making you see progress much sooner than if you were on your own.
Research Supporting the Effectiveness of Coaching in Saving Marriages:
Coaching Leads to Positive Relationship Changes:
A study from the International Coach Federation found that 70% of clients improved their performance, 80% saw increased self-confidence, and 73% improved their relationships after coaching . This shows that the support and strategies offered by a coach can significantly enhance personal growth, which can positively impact a marriage.
Skill-Based Interventions Are Effective:
Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy demonstrated that skill-based interventions, such as learning communication and intimacy skills, are highly effective in helping couples improve their relationships . Private coaching focuses on teaching you these exact skills, making it a powerful tool for transforming your marriage.
Coaching Improves Emotional Regulation and Relationship Satisfaction:
A study in The American Journal of Family Therapy showed that clients who engaged in coaching to learn emotional regulation skills experienced a significant increase in relationship satisfaction and a decrease in conflict . Coaching helps you develop these skills to manage your emotions better, leading to a more harmonious marriage.
Embrace the Opportunity for Change
Rebuilding your marriage on your own is a courageous and empowering choice. While it comes with challenges, the potential for personal growth, renewed intimacy, and a transformed relationship is immense. By focusing on what you can control and working with a marriage expert, you can navigate these challenges more effectively, experience feeling desired, inspire your husband to be your hero, and become a confident, radiant woman.
If you're feeling unsure about where to start or which skills to use to create the connection and intimacy you desire, you're not alone. The journey can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to walk it by yourself.
I invite you to book a complimentary relationship assessment with me. This one-on-one session is designed to explore your unique situation, identify the key areas for improvement, and see if private coaching is the right fit for you. Together, we can chart a path towards the fulfilling, loving marriage you’ve been dreaming of. Click here to book your complimentary relationship assessment today.
Xo,
Laura Amador
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