.png)
Fall is a time when the whole world around us is shedding what is no longer needed, embracing lightness, and seeking rest in warmth and safety. Nature is curling into itself and preparing for the long winter ahead.
It reminds me that marriage is meant to be a safe haven—a place where we feel loved, cherished, and comforted. It's heartbreaking that for far too many, marriage instead feels like the coldest winter of all. However, there is hope. And it begins with letting go.
As the trees release their leaves this fall, I invite you to reflect upon what you can release in your own life. Specifically in this article, I want to invite you to consider letting go of the heavy weight of resentment in your marriage.
Why you should care about releasing resentment in your marriage
Letting go of resentment brings a profound sense of freedom that leads to healing on emotional, mental, and even physical levels. When you release the burdens of negativity and hurt, you open yourself up to a lighter, more joyful existence. This liberation will also have a huge positive impact on your marriage. By fostering a healthier mindset, you create space for deeper connection, understanding, and intimacy with your husband.
So, will you receive this season’s invitation to let go of negativity and make space for warmth, kindness, and connection? If you’re ready to release resentment and embrace lightness and freedom, keep reading.
But what about him? Releasing resentment when it all feels one-sided
Before diving into how to release resentment, I want to address something really important here. Because releasing resentment in a marriage can feel deeply unfair, especially when it seems like your husband isn’t changing or taking any accountability for his actions.
It’s natural to feel a sense of injustice in letting things go while still holding onto the hope for change. However, holding onto resentment will only weigh you down and keep you from making any form of progress in your relationship.
When you choose to let go, you reclaim your happiness, peace, and well-being. This isn’t about excusing his behavior; it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden that's holding you back in your life and relationship. You deserve to be free from these heavy and negative feelings.
When you release resentment, you also create space for connection, understanding, and intimacy, paving the way for a more vibrant and loving relationship with your husband. Your happiness and well-being is so important, and by prioritizing it, you’re also actively taking the first step to creating the kind of relationship you truly want.
If you need help with this, download my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage. It gives you actionable steps to take one day at a time to help you heal and restore your relationship.
Releasing resentment in your marriage: the how
Recognize and honor your feelings
Before we can release resentment, we must first acknowledge it. It does no good to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. Eventually, the resentment will surface, often manifesting in destructive ways. In my experience, skipping this step can leave a woman feeling untrue to herself and lead to even deeper resentment. That’s why it’s essential to honor and process these feelings to pave the way for a healed marriage.
A few years ago, I worked with a client who was determined to repair her marriage after discovering her husband had been unfaithful. She wanted her marriage. She wanted her husband. But she understandably carried a huge amount of rage, resentment, and pain.
To truly process and honor her emotions, she explored various empowering and healthy outlets. She started running, feeling the wind rush past her as she poured out her frustrations with each step. She also enrolled in dance classes, where she could express her feelings through movement, allowing the music to carry her away and help release the pent-up energy.
To ground herself further, she dove into personal therapy and marriage coaching, recognizing that she needed support to navigate the complexities of her feelings. Each day, she dedicated time to journaling, pouring her heart onto the pages, which allowed her to clarify her thoughts and articulate her emotions. Writing became a cathartic release for her.
She also created a "rage" and "heartbreak" playlist, filled with songs that resonated with her feelings. In the privacy of her car, she would let the music wash over her, allowing tears to flow freely when they needed to. This ritual provided her a safe space to express her sorrow and pain without holding back.
Having a trusted confidant was another crucial aspect of her healing journey. As her coach, I offered a listening ear and a supportive presence, allowing her to navigate her feelings without judgment. Sometimes, all we need is someone to stand with us as we process our emotions.
She even took up painting, finding joy in expressing emotions that were difficult to articulate. Each brushstroke became a way to process her journey, allowing her to discover new insights about herself and her experiences.
As you reflect on the heavy burden of resentment you carry, consider how you can channel your emotions in empowering and healthy ways. Dance it out, run freely, or practice yoga to release that pent-up energy. Let the music guide you as you express what’s in your heart. Explore journaling to clarify your thoughts, or seek out a trusted mentor who can provide a safe space for your emotions.
Your path to acknowledging your emotions will be unique to you, but the key is to allow yourself to feel your emotions without getting stuck and becoming a victim to them. Remember, this is only the first step towards healing. It's not enough if you allow it to be your last step.
It's not just about releasing negative feelings but also about making room for positivity and connection. By processing your emotions through movement, expression, and connection, you’ll find a path to healing that nurtures both your spirit and your marriage.
Cultivating a higher level of self-respect
When we hold onto resentment, often buried beneath it is a deeper dislike or frustration with ourselves. Self-compassion and self-love are crucial parts of releasing that resentment. When we neglect ourselves, we can easily fall into the trap of overcommitting, leading to feelings of exhaustion and anger. But part of cultivating self-love is learning to say “I can’t” when something depletes or overwhelms us.
I used to feel resentful because I was working long hours, managing the house, and handling child care. I blamed my husband for not doing more. But the truth was, I had taken it all on myself. It wasn’t his fault—I had never expressed my limits. I didn’t give myself permission to say “no” when work was too much. Once I took responsibility for my own well-being, I finally said, “I can’t do this anymore,” and everything shifted. He picked up more hours, and I created the space I needed for balance. All it took was respecting my own limits.
This shift is powerful. Prioritizing your well-being through self-love doesn’t just make you feel better—it directly impacts your relationship. It’s not about waiting for your husband to rescue you from overwhelm; it’s about creating that space yourself. When you honor your limits, you build self-respect, and that creates a ripple effect in your marriage.
This also creates much more time and space in your life to prioritize self-care. Taking care of yourself is crucial, especially when dealing with resentment. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s indulging in a warm bath, reading a cozy book, or taking a peaceful walk among the falling leaves, prioritizing self-care will help rejuvenate your spirit and give you a fresh perspective.
Start by reflecting on the areas where you’re feeling overwhelmed or resentful. Is there something you've been doing out of obligation rather than joy? Where have you taken on too much, and what would it look like to say “I can’t” and reclaim your time?
After reflecting, choose one task or commitment to release this week. Let this be a small but meaningful step toward honoring your limits and prioritizing self-care.
Being true to yourself
Being true to yourself is key to releasing resentment and building a stronger marriage. A vital part of this is expressing your feelings in the moment. For example, when your husband says something hurtful, rather than bottling it up, try simply saying, “Ouch.” It’s an honest, non-blaming way to let him know it hurt without escalating the situation.
Similarly, saying “I can’t” when you feel overwhelmed can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional energy. If you’re juggling too many responsibilities, it’s essential to honor your limits, just as I did when I used to take on work, housework, and childcare, thinking my husband should step in. By saying, “I can’t do this all,” I reclaimed my balance, and my husband naturally stepped up in response.
A powerful question to guide this self-awareness is: How do I feel, and what do I want? For example, if you’re waiting for your husband to get home, feeling hungry and growing resentful because you don’t know when he’ll arrive, ask yourself that question. If the answer is, “I feel hungry and I want a hot meal,” then simply eating before he gets home could spare both of you the frustration of resentment.
To apply this in your marriage, take a moment every day to check in with yourself by asking, How do I feel and what do I want? Notice what comes up, and honor your needs without waiting for someone else to rescue you. Start small. This simple practice can save you from unnecessary resentment and lead to a happier, more peaceful marriage.
Shift your perspective
Shifting your focus to gratitude is a powerful way to reframe your mindset. When resentment has taken root, it’s easy to magnify the negative aspects of your marriage. But gratitude invites you to celebrate the goodness that still exists, even in difficult times.
One of my clients had been in a marriage arranged by her parents over 30 years ago. From the day she got married, she disliked her husband. She found his humor irritating, disliked how he dressed, was frustrated by his laziness and lack of ambition, and felt unsupported in parenting.
Worst of all, she deeply resented how he had bankrupted them, causing them to lose their family’s home. She thought she’d never be able to forgive him for failing to protect and provide for her and their six children. But today, she genuinely enjoys and loves him. She is free of resentment and feels true admiration and respect for him. Her secret? The power of gratitude.
Every day for a year, she listed 10 things she appreciated about her husband—even small things like his commitment to health and how he modeled his faith to their kids. She challenged herself to express three of these appreciations to him daily. Little by little, her feelings shifted. Instead of focusing on his flaws, she found herself seeing his strengths.
As her perspective and attitude transformed, so did their marriage. He started complimenting her, appreciating her efforts, and even stepping up to help more around the house.
Gratitude changed everything for her. By focusing on what she could appreciate, she opened her heart to love him. If you’re feeling stuck in resentment, consider how this practice could help shift your perspective. What small things could you appreciate today?
I want to invite you to take a moment to reflect on what you can appreciate about your marriage. Maybe it’s the way your husband makes your morning coffee just the way you like it or how you both laugh at the same jokes. Recognizing these small, often overlooked moments of connection, tenderness, or shared experiences are crucial to softening the weight of resentment.
Creating a daily gratitude practice is transformative. Start each day by writing down three things you appreciate about your marriage. Focus on things you’ve experienced or moments that made you feel loved and cared for. As you do this regularly, you’ll begin to see how this practice shifts your focus from what's lacking to what is already working.
This act of gratitude also helps rewire your brain to look for positive experiences. It’s not about denying the challenges but making room for the joys that coexist with them. In this way, you’re building a foundation of appreciation that can help you release some of the emotional weight resentment brings.
Creating rituals for letting go
Autumn is a time for transformation, making it the perfect time to create rituals that symbolize letting go of old grievances and welcoming new possibilities. Consider holding a small ceremony for yourself—light a candle, write down your resentments, and safely burn the paper as a symbol of release. Use a fresh sheet of paper to write down everything you're grateful for, and keep this sheet.
Use this time to set intentions for your marriage, focusing on grace, forgiveness, gratitude, growth, and love.
I love to do this ritual at the turn of each season. It helps me set my intentions and put my heart and focus in the right place, towards nurturing a loving relationship with my husband.
Embracing new beginnings
Letting go of resentment isn’t a one step process, it's a journey—it takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. As you work through these emotions, give yourself grace. Acknowledge that this journey is gradual, and every small step forward is something to be celebrated. You're not just releasing the past; you're embracing a brighter, more connected future with your husband.
Remember to honor yourself along the way. You’re doing important work, and it’s okay to take it at your own pace.
As you begin to release resentment and embrace a newfound sense of freedom, you’ll notice how much lighter your heart feels and how much easier it is to create true connection with your husband. Resentment can weigh down a marriage, but when you let it go, space opens for deeper intimacy, playfulness, and warmth. With a focus on gratitude, self-care, and staying true to yourself, you’re well on your way to a more fulfilling relationship.
If you’d like to take this further, I’d love to offer you my free guide, 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage. It’s filled with gentle, practical steps to help you build the connection you truly desire. You’ve got this, and I’m here to support you on this journey!
Xo,
Laura Amador
Comentarios