Do Boundaries Help Or Hurt Intimacy In A Marriage?

Intimacy Is a Journey

This week, despite my resistance, I’ve been pushing myself to go even deeper with vulnerability in my marriage. It’s hard and truthfully, it can feel scary and uncomfortable at times, but I keep thinking about the deeper levels of intimacy that I know vulnerability creates, and that’s what excites me. 

The Truth About Boundaries & Marriage

 

Which reminds me of this popular piece of marriage advice we often hear tossed around everywhere all the time..

The advice I'm referring to is around the topic of boundaries. Which by the way, I absolutely do believe are healthy and important to have as a way of empowering myself to honor my limits, needs, and desires. 

But here’s where boundaries in a marriage can get confusing...

The popular advice out there says that, if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, then the only thing to do is cut them out or cut them off..

But that doesn’t translate so well to marriage if you’re hoping for “til death do us part”. 

And this is where fighting, distance, and turmoil can take over, especially if your boundaries are actually a disguised attempt to control the other person, which unfortunately is how I used boundaries for many years. 

The Real Key To Intimacy In A Marriage

And this, my friends, is the exact opposite of vulnerability because it denotes fear and a lack of trust. It takes vulnerability, not walls, for intimacy to thrive.

Which begs the question… What is the best way to get your needs met in your relationship?

To which I say that the first thing to ask yourself is, “what is within my control?”. Of course the answer to that is always: me. 

So the next question is, “am I meeting my own needs”?

After all, we teach people how to treat us. If I’m constantly ignoring my own needs, desires, and limits.. well, I need to start there. 

Vulnerability and Respect

 

Now…don’t get me wrong. During the bad old days in my marriage, all I could see was how everything was all his fault, and how much he needed to change. This disempowering mindset was robbing me of all my power to set a new tone in the relationship. And it took understanding just how much influence I actually have to really get into the swings of things.

But now that I’ve seen the results of true vulnerability, and my marriage has become my soft place to land, feel desired, special, and cherished, I am completely committed to continuing to explore deeper levels of vulnerability and intimacy. 

Building Intimacy In Your Marriage

I want to encourage you to start small. Try asking yourself what it would mean for you to be just a little more vulnerable in your marriage, and then build up to honoring yourself by expressing your limits, desires, and whatever else is authentically you. 

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” -Brene Brown

You can do this. I believe in you.

Xo, Laura Amador

PS. If you haven't already, click the link to get the FREE guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection In Your Marriage