5 Ways To Get More Quality Time With Your Husband Without Having To Ask For It

During the first Covid summer, our tiny apartment quickly started to feel too small for our growing family. Despite the crazy market, we decided our time had come and began house hunting. It was during our search for our future home that we created one of my all-time favorite rituals and I found the key to more quality time without having to ask for it. 

Several times a week, we’d make a stop at the drive through to load up on lattes and snacks, and hit the road ready to explore the surrounding neighborhoods. We played our favorite music, sang, laughed, held hands, and imagined our lives in each house we found with a “for sale” sign in front of it.  

I looked forward to this quality time every week, and always felt so connected and spontaneous. We never knew where we were going to end up. All we knew was that we were going to have fun and dream together. 

What struck me the most was that I never had to plan or ask for this time together—it just happened, naturally and effortlessly. It was quality time in disguise, much more meaningful than any of the date nights I had planned that felt forced and rigid.

As I embraced these moments of connection, I noticed my husband inviting me to spend more and more quality time with him. These days, my husband regularly invites me to watch movies together, makes romantic dinners at home, and every Monday, we have a cookout just for us with tacos, margaritas, and our favorite music. 

If you’ve been longing for more of these unspoken, romantic, and spontaneous moments with your husband, here are five ways to invite them into your marriage without ever having to ask.

Getting more quality time with your husband can be challenging if you don’t know how to inspire him

Have you ever tried telling your husband that you want more quality time together? Did it work? If you’re anything like me and most of the women I talk to, then you’ve tried that. I would tell my husband I wanted a weekly date night only to find that after week 2 or 3, his enthusiasm was minimal and I was the one planning everything. That was not the romantic experience I had envisioned for us. I felt disappointed and resentful.

The truth is, I don’t want my husband to spend quality time with me because he feels like he has to or he should. I want him to WANT to spend quality time with me. This is why knowing how to inspire him to want to spend quality time with you without asking is key. Going to a restaurant together because he’s going through the motions is NOT the same as him surprising you and taking you to the beach, pulling our a cooler with wine and sandwiches, and putting his arm around you as you watch the sunset together. 

If you’re like me, you want to feel cherished, desired, and special. So when you’re craving more quality time with your husband, here are some of the best ways I have found.

5 Ways To Get More Quality Time With Your Husband Without Having To Ask For it

1. Inspire your husband to want to spend more quality time with you by relinquishing control

Experience has taught me that when a husband seems disinterested in spending quality time together, there is something getting in the way, dampening his desire to connect with his wife. That something getting in the way is his sense of autonomy and respect in the marriage.

Giving your husband a sense of autonomy in the relationship can make him more eager to spend time with you. When he feels genuinely respected and free to make his own choices, he’ll naturally be more inclined to want to connect. Relinquishing control doesn’t mean you become a doormat; it means you trust his judgment and respect his individuality. This trust fosters a deeper connection and can inspire him to seek out more shared moments with you.

Men often feel more valued and appreciated when they are given the freedom to make decisions without feeling micromanaged or judged. This sense of autonomy is crucial for emotional well-being and can foster a deeper desire to connect with you. By stepping back and allowing him to make his own decisions without your help or judgement, you signal that you trust and respect him. This not only strengthens his bond with you but also makes him more likely to initiate spending time together because he feels more confident and appreciated in the relationship.

2. Show You're Pleaseable by Receiving Graciously

Being receptive and pleased with the gestures your husband makes, no matter how small, encourages more of those actions. This means even if he loads the dishwasher all wrong, says your hair looks nice when you haven't combed it yet, or gives you tulips when you like roses, you receive graciously and accept his effort for what it is: an attempt to make you happy because he cares.

When your husband sees that his efforts to make you happy are appreciated, he feels successful and valued in his role as a partner, and this reinforces his desire to spend time with you. Men want to make their wives happy, and when they see that their actions are appreciated, this will lead to more frequent gestures of love and care, naturally increasing the quality time you spend together. The key is to genuinely appreciate even the small things, as this builds a cycle of positive interactions and mutual satisfaction.

3. Express Gratitude for the Ways He Already Makes You Feel Loved

You know what's not very inspiring? Complaining. I used to tell my husband all the time, "you never want to spend any time together". I was accusing him, seeing the worst in him, and whining. No wonder he didn't cancel all his plans for the day to spend it with me. I wouldn't want to be around someone that accused me of being selfish either.

The truth was, the negative script I had running in my head that "he never wanted to spend time with me", was blocking me from seeing all the ways he was showing me he loved me every single day. And it turns out, gratitude is magnetic.

Expressing gratitude taps into the fundamental human need for recognition and appreciation. When you regularly acknowledge the ways your husband already shows you love, it reinforces those behaviors and makes him feel more connected to you.

Gratitude acts as a mirror, reflecting his positive actions back to him and encouraging him to continue doing them, and with more enthusiasm. This not only strengthens your emotional bond but also makes him more eager to spend time with you, as he feels appreciated and understood. This creates a more harmonious and loving relationship, where quality time becomes a natural byproduct of your mutual appreciation.

Shifting away from complaining and into gratitude will inspire your husband to want to connect and spend quality time with you. In what ways is your husband already showing you he cares? Have you thanked him for that lately? I invite you to take a moment and make a list of all the big and small ways he's showing you he cares, and thank him for three today!

4. Express Your Pure Desires in an Inspiring Way

Instead of asking directly for quality time, which removes the spontaneity and romance , you can express your desires in a way that's light and inspiring. For example, saying, “I would love to see that new movie,” or “I’d really enjoy trying that new restaurant in town,” creates the opportunity for your husband to step up as your hero. You can communicate your wishes without pressure, making it more likely that he’ll want to fulfill them because he doesn't feel controlled or obligated.

This approach is non-demanding and allows him to feel like he’s making a choice rather than fulfilling a request. By framing your desires as things you would love to do, you create an opportunity for him to be the one who brings joy and excitement into your life. You're giving him important information about how he can make you feel loved and special. This taps into his natural inclination to provide and protect, making him more motivated to initiate quality time together.

What are some pure desires you can share with your husband today?

5. Use a Spouse Fulfilling Prophecy

The way you speak about your relationship shapes your reality. If you feel like you never spend quality time together, stop saying that to him! Instead, start pointing out all the times you do spend quality time together, no matter how small. For instance, if you’re running errands together, you might say, “I love that I get to spend this time with you.”

The concept of a spouse-fulfilling prophecy works on the principle that what you focus on expands. To find your spouse fulfilling prophecy, you need to flip your complain on it's head. So instead of saying, "you never want to spend time with me", you would say, "I know you value quality time together". Then, you'll want to reinforce it with some evidence, even if it's small. Does he sit with you for dinner? Sit next to you on the couch while you read? Brush his teeth at the same time? Anything you can find counts!

When you consistently point out the positive aspects of your relationship, it shifts both your perspective and his. By highlighting and appreciating the times you do spend together, you’re subtly encouraging more of those moments. 

Get Even More Quality Time With Your Husband

These strategies can truly transform the quality time you spend with your husband, leading to a more connected and fulfilling relationship. If you’re ready to take your marriage to the next level, I’ve created a free guide, ‘5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage,’ that will help you deepen your bond even further. Click here to download it and start reigniting that spark today!

As a relationship coach for wives, I've helped many women to cultivate a peaceful, fun, and connected marriage. If you want to work with me 1:,1 just book a complementary relationship assessment here.

Xo, Laura Amador