24 Lessons I Learned About Marriage and the Six Intimacy Skills in 2024

I began my journey with the Six Intimacy Skills back in 2015. It’s hard for me to believe it's been almost a full decade! As I approach this milestone, I find myself reflecting on how much has changed—not just in my marriage, but in me. This journey hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been deeply rewarding.

Some lessons came naturally, while others took time and patience to sink in. This year, I felt many of them come full circle—profound truths I’ve been learning along the way became clearer than ever. The challenges and victories of 2024 served as a reminder of how much these skills have shaped my heart, my mindset, and my relationship.

Today, I’m sharing 24 marriage lessons that were reaffirmed to me this year, through the six intimacy skills, some by my own experiences, and some by those of my clients. My hope is that they bring you insight, encouragement, and a sense of what’s possible when you approach your marriage with love and intention.

24 lessons I learned about marriage and the six intimacy skills in 2024

1. On vulnerability

All of the intimacy skills are for me, to help me be my best self. While vulnerability is the key to intimacy, there's a big difference between using it in order to orchestrate intimacy vs letting my pure and authentic vulnerability show through. This means it's important that I don’t hold expectations about how he will respond—that’s his paper. I choose to be vulnerable because I want to be the type of woman who lives like she’s worthy of taking up some space in the world. My thoughts, feelings, and experiences are worth sharing. The intimacy that comes from my vulnerability is a welcomed and joyfully received bonus!

2. On self-care

Resentment is a sure sign of low self-care, and guilt can be a leaky faucet that gets in the way of my cup truly getting full. This year, I’ve dropped the shame I always attached to self-care. I’ve been consistent about taking an afternoon siesta every single day. At first, I hid it from my husband because I didn’t want him to think I was lazy. But when he caught me, he kissed me! Now I realize I magnetize him when I’m relaxed and happy. When I take care of myself, I’m more peaceful and present, and he just wants to be around me.

3. On relinquishing control

Sometimes, relinquishing control on the outside isn’t enough. If I’m “duct taping” and letting him do things his way, but internally judging and criticizing him, I haven’t truly let go. When I remind myself why I’m choosing to relinquish control—because I want connection and intimacy—I’m willing to trade out control for love. The best is yet to come.

4. On respect

Respect goes deeper than words. The internal conversations I’m having about my husband always come through in my energy. If I want to inspire respect in my marriage, I need to be intentional about how I think about him too.

5. On gratitude

When I feel genuine gratitude for my husband, my life, and my marriage, the present moment becomes a precious gift. Gratitude has the power to change everything—not because my circumstances necessarily change, but because I change.

6. On receiving graciously

Rejecting the gift is rejecting the giver. When I receive my husband’s gifts—whether it’s his help, his compliments, or his affection—with grace, I’m showing him I appreciate and trust his love.

7. On spouse-fulfilling prophecies

What I focus on increases. If I only focus on all my husband's faults, that's all I'll ever get. A spouse-fulfilling prophecy shifts that. I want my spouse-fulfilling prophecies (SFPs) to feel like a stretch, but not a tear. They should feel amazing to imagine but not so far out that I feel bitter or resentful even saying them out loud. This balance makes my spouse-fulfilling prophecies powerful for creating the marriage I want.

8. On pure desires

When my husband doesn't knows how to make me happy, we're both frustrated. When I share my pure desires in a way that inspires, he gets to feel like my hero, and I get to feel cherished and cared for. Expressing my pure desires—without demands or expectations—invites him to show up as the man he wants to be.

9. On cheat phrases

Cheat phrases are extra powerful in the middle of a gratitude sandwich. Gratitude puts my heart and mind in the right place, making the phrases genuine and deeply effective.

10. On physical intimacy

In the past, whenever I felt disconnected or closed off to physical intimacy, it was often a sign I’d wandered off my paper. Asking myself, “How do I feel, what do I want?” is my favorite way to ground myself back to my paper, my place of power. If something is getting in the way of physical intimacy, I know to pause, reconnect with myself, and refocus on my desires. And as far as my husband goes, Laura Doyle says it best, "the greatest aphrodisiac for a man is respect".

11. On financial intimacy

Financial intimacy can evolve over time, and that's okay! How my husband and I handle our finances has changed drastically over the years, and I'm extremely please by how far we've come. This year I feel our financial intimacy is deeper, and more trusting and positive than every before. I’ve learned to express my desires vulnerably and focus on gratitude. When my husband feels safe to be imperfect without fear of judgment, we truly feel like a team working on our dreams together.

12. On trust

Trust is a choice. I can withhold it until certain criteria are met, but when I do that, I’m off my paper and out of my place of power. Trust is the ultimate way of relinquishing control of what we have no control over- other people. And that is so freeing. Trust is also very vulnerable. And as Laura Doyle says, “I can have intimacy with my husband only to the degree that I can be vulnerable”.

13. On emotional safety

Just like I am responsible for my happiness, I’m responsible for creating my experience. If I feed my fears, I kill my peace and safety. But when I choose to focus on the good, I tend to my needs, and I act from faith instead of fear.

14. On consistency with the skills

Even after years of coaching, I still need regular support. When I’m not getting coached or I'm not surrounding myself with other empowered women, I tend to slide back into old thinking. Getting coaching and connecting with empowered women has been my key to consistency with the Skills, and that keeps me showing up as my best self.

15. On trusting his way of doing things

When I trust my husband to do things his way—whether it’s planning a date, handling a project, or solving a problem—he often rises to the occasion. It feels amazing to relax and let him shine. And even if he exercises his right to be wrong, I feel dignified when I act like his lover and not his mother.

16. On staying lighthearted and playful: the superpower of inner peace

Staying lighthearted instead of taking things personally is a powerful superpower in marriage. When you choose to respond with lightness, you protect your inner peace and set the tone for your interactions. Instead of getting caught up in hurt or defensiveness, a lighthearted approach helps you stay grounded and maintain connection. By not taking things too seriously, you create space for humor and warmth, which can diffuse tension and invite more positive energy into your relationship.

17. On honoring my limits

I’ve learned that setting a limit isn’t about controlling him—it’s about honoring myself. For example, when I used to say, “I can’t”, I did so with an implied, “so you must…” but now, I honor my limits purely from my paper. It’s about respecting and honoring my limits, not trying to get him to do something differently. 

18. On my desires

Expressing my desires without expectations feels like magic. “I would love…” has led to more gifts, surprises, and connection this year than I could have imagined! My most recent experience with this was when I expressed a desire to see our little ones playing more rather than watching so much TV. My husband immediately stood up, unplugged our TV, and put it in the basement! In that moment, I felt so heard, supported, and cherished. And our family feels so much more connected now that the distraction from screens is gone!

19. On apologizing more

Just like I’m extra careful not to leave things in the car right after I’ve vacuumed it, I like to keep my side of the street clean at all times. Even if it was a little slip up of control, I know if I don’t clean it up now, more and more things will pile up and before I know it, our relationship will feel disconnected again. No thanks! I’d rather be accountable. 

20. On admiration

When I focus on what I love about my husband, I see more of it. I also can sense that when I'm noticing the good things and admiring my husband, he's drawn to me and so connected.

21. On courage

It takes courage to be vulnerable, to relinquish control, and to focus on my paper. But every time I do, intimacy blooms.

22. On choosing my focus

“What I focus on increases.” This lesson has transformed my marriage. When I used to focus on everything that was missing and going wrong, I felt resentful and unhappy. When I started to look for the good, I saw more good, and then it doubled and tripled. It was magic!

23. On being the lighthouse

I've learned that being the lighthouse in my marriage means focusing on cultivating my own peace and joy, regardless of the external circumstances. When you anchor yourself in calm and positivity, you become a beacon that naturally draws your husband in. Rather than waiting for him to change or respond a certain way, you set the tone. As you nurture your own well-being, your energy radiates out, creating a safe, inviting space where connection can thrive.

24. On the skills being for me

The Six Intimacy Skills are my tools for becoming the woman I want to be: confident, joyful, and at peace. I don’t do them to change him as I once did—I do them for me. And that changes everything. My journey with The Intimacy Skills began as a plan to improve my husband without him noticing, but has turned out to be a journey of self-love, and my greatest self-improvement project I never knew I needed. The skills help me be the version of me that I was put on this Earth to be. My best version. And they can do the same for you.

Taking these lessons into the new year

As we step into a new year, I hope these lessons inspire you to reflect on your own journey—what you’ve learned, how you’ve grown, and the connection you want to create in your marriage moving forward.

If you’re looking for a simple starting point, I invite you to download my free guide: 5 Steps to Reignite Connection in Your Marriage. It’s a powerful resource to help you rebuild closeness and create the kind of partnership you long for.

And for those of you already practicing the Intimacy Skills, if you’re ready to take your growth even deeper, I’d love to support you. Whether it’s through private coaching or joining our Haven community—a warm, supportive space for women committed to transforming their marriages—you don’t have to walk this path alone.

🥂 Here’s to a new year filled with love, connection, and endless possibilities for your marriage.

Xo,

Laura Amador

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach and Intimacy Skills Expert